Best of Clients from Hell

Clients from Hell е tumblr блог, който следя от няколко месеца с възхищение. Преглеждането му ще бъде чисто удоволствие за всеки, който се заминава с дизайн, PR, реклама или просто му се налага така нареченият "контакт с клиенти". Блогът съдържа кратки откъси от разговори с тях и се ъпдейтва ежедневно. Тук съм събрал моя своебразен best of последните седмици:

Email Marketing: “Can you remove the ‘Unsubscribe’ Link?”

I did a timer for an auction based website.  Client after the review: “I want people to feel the urge to bid… Can you make the seconds go faster?”

I was wearing a red shirt and jeans in that video I sent you. Can you put me in a suit instead? It’ll look more professional.

We had a client who needed a site done for her champion horse riding ranch. In the initial client meeting, she stated that she wanted each of the horses to have their own blog because they had ‘Such unique personality’.

I need someone that can take everything in here (client points to head with both hands), and put it on the internet.

After handing me a picture, a client tells me, “We love this picture, so just zoom it out a little and it’ll be perfect.”

“Let’s negotiate on the price. Don’t forget, my wife can do this for free.”

We like the woman in the wheelchair, but we don’t want people to think being in a wheelchair makes her less feminine. You need to make her breasts larger.

When the user logs in I want there to be an animation of a bank safe opening. That way the user knows that they can trust us.

Me: “Ok, the bid is $2,500 what payment schedule works best for you? I can take a deposit of 10% up front and you can pay the balance on delivery OR I can discount the entire project by 10% if you pay the entire bid in advance.”

Client: “Oh, I’ll take the discount and pay it all in advance.”
Me: “Ok, well then I’ll get started just as soon as I receive the payment.”
Client: “Oh, I’ll pay you when it’s done. Don’t you trust me?”
Me: “Oh, I thought you wanted to pay in advance so that you could get the discount.”
Client: “I do! I’ll pay in advance once the job is completed!”

Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200.  Why should I go with you?”
Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”
Client: Yeah!  He did [Other Site] for me.
[I load the other site]
Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”
Client: “Huh?”
Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users.”
Client: “I know.  Cool, huh?”
Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”
Client: “Huh?”
Me: “The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”
Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”
Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”
Client: “No.”
Me: “…”
Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer].  He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”
Me: “Have fun.”

It’s perfect! Just one thing. We have that contact form on Contact Us page, I want you to remove that and give our email address instead. And make it into a riddle so they have to solve it to get the email. We want to ‘engage’ our visitors.

Thanks for emailing me the PDF. Can you please resend it to me at 100% and not at 147%.

Client: “Can you make the background of the page red?”
Me: “Wow, I don’t recommend it, it will look horrible. Do you mean like this? (Showing #FF0000)”
Client: “Yeah, and text in orange. It will attract more visitors.”

Email from client: “What we really want is a function where the user visits our website and the instant they do so it fires up Microsoft Word on their computer and starts filling out an order form. We think we would get massive revenue this way.”

International website:
After creating and delivering a website as requested I received an email from the owner of the business asking to translate the website.The email was originally from his partner.
“Hey [Owner’s Name] can you ask [my Name] to translate the website to at least 5 or 6 languages?, my son sent me a link to Babelfish and I think it would be a wasted opportunity if we only have the website in English. Seems that this could be done in a couple of hours”

“I hate this new font. Use the first one I showed you. This one makes the site look cheap instead of elegant.”
The ‘cheap’ font was Georgia, the ‘elegant’ font was Georgia Italic.

Client: “Can you remove the negative comments that we have on the website?.  If so how soon can you do make it happen?”
Me: “I don’t know what you mean about negative comments on the website — your website doesn’t have a comments section.  Can you clarify where you’re seeing them?”
Client: “We had some negative reviews which I would like to have removed when you go onto our website  and look us up on Google maps.”

One client called me this morning. After a brief discussion and proposing the price, suddenly he said :
“I’m sorry, I thought freelancers work for free.”


Georgi Petrov каза...

Що за идиот ще каже : Can you make the seconds go faster?
100% е американец hahaha

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